Home > Andrew's Blogs, Marriage > Marriage is Won or Lost in the Little Moments

Marriage is Won or Lost in the Little Moments

Paul Tripp writes in his book What Did You Expect:

Things don’t go bad in an instant.  The character of a marriage is not formed in one grand moment.  Things in a marriage go bad progressively.  Things become sweet and beautiful progressively.

Here’s his list of  “little-moment” things that we don’t pay attention to:

  • You squeeze and crinkle the toothpaste tube even though you know it bothers your spouse.
  • You complain about the dirty dishes instead of putting them in the dishwasher.
  • You fight for your own way in little things rather than seeing them as an opportunity to serve.
  • You allow yourself to go to bed irritated after a little disagreement.
  • Day after day you leave for work without a moment of tenderness between you.
  • You fight for your view of beauty rather than making  your home a visual expression of the tastes of both of you.
  • You allow yourself to do little rude things  you would never have done in courtship.
  • You quit asking for forgiveness in the little moments of wrong.
  • You complain about how the other does little things, when it really doesn’t make any difference.
  • You make little decisions without consultation.
  • You quit investing in the friendship intimacy of your marriage.
  • You fight for your own way rather than for unity in little moments of disagreement.
  • You complain about the other’s foibles and weaknesses.
  • You fail to seize those openings to encourage.
  • You quit searching for little avenues for expressing love.
  • You begin to keep a record of little wrongs.
  • You allow yourself to be irritated by what you once appreciated.
  • You quit making sure that every day is punctuated with tenderness before sleep takes you away.
  • You quit regularly expressing appreciation and respect.
  • You allow your physical eyes and the eyes of  your heart to wander.
  • You swallow little hurts that you would have once discussed.
  • You begin to turn little requests into regular demands.
  • You quit taking care of yourself.
  • You become willing to live with more silence and distance than you would have when you were approaching marriage.
  • You quit working in those little moments to make your marriage better, and you begin to succumb to what is.
Categories: Andrew's Blogs, Marriage
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