Home > Uncategorized > Which Songs Torture You?

Which Songs Torture You?

One blogger refers to the tortuous practice of blasting bad music in the ears of their detainees to make them go crazy.  He provides his future captures with his own personal Torture Play List: The Top 10 Most Painful Songs.  I don’t totally agree with his list and I’d add a few more.  What about you?

His Top 10 and my modifications:

10.  Metallica: Enter Sandman.  No way.  I can’t imagine a Metallica song on the torture list.  I’d replace it with today’s metal-screamers.  I just can’t understand the screaming!

9.  Barney: I Love You.  He’s correct.  This is pure torture.  Follow this up with the “Clean Up” song and I’ll give you all the information you want.

8.  David Gray: Babylon.  A little American-Idolish, but not bad.  I”d rather have this than Taylor Hicks or “You Had a Bad Day” which was played ad nauseum.

7.  Britney Spears: Hit Me Baby One More Time.  Somewhat torturous, but I’d rather hear here music than watch endless replays of TMZ following her around.  In the end, I’d replace Britney’s disco-esque music with the real deal.  Disco is torture.

6.  Barry Manilow: Mandy.  There are some decent Manilow songs out there and when my older brother saw him in Vegas he said it was one of the best shows he’s ever seen (he also saw AC/DC recently).  I’d replace Barry with Lionel Richie.  A few hours of “Hello” would drive me nuts.

5.  Captain & Tennile: Muskrat Love.  I’m not sure I’ve ever heard this song, but I’m pretty sure Captain & Tennile would drive me nuts.  I’ll keep it.

4.  Twisted Sister: We’re Not Gonna Take It.  Nope.  This song brings to mind the video which makes me laugh, so it wouldn’t work on me.  Perhaps an endless replay of Tipper Gore bashing Twisted Sister in front of Congress would do me in.

3.  Sesame Street Themesong.  Keep it.

2.  Neil Diamond: America.  How can a patriotic song be torture?  Neil wouldn’t bother me.  Replace Neil with other 1970s icons Abba and I’m in trouble.

1.  Meatloaf: Paradise by the Dashboard Light.  This is absurd.  I have always been a big Meatloaf fan.  Truth be told, I had this cassette in my car when I went on my first date with Nikki.  Paradise, Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad…all classics.  Replace Meatloaf’s power-ballads with an evening of Celine Dion power-ballads and I’d probably be too comatose to reveal any secrets.

Your thoughts?

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. March 15, 2009 at 4:57 pm

    You really must listen to Muskrat Love so you can use it as a sermon illustration. It is quite possibly the single dumbest song in history. And when you recall that “Love will Keep Us Together” was Captain and Tenille’s breakout hit, and that “muskrat love” did not keep the Captain and Tenille together, you have all the makings of a sermon illustration for baby boomers, perhaps even an entire sermon series carrying the title, “Muskrat Love: How the Love of the 70’s Will Not Keep You Together.”

    Twisted Sister should not be on the list for the simple reason that high school football teams could not survive apart from the song. We hosted the junior tackle football banquet at our church a couple of years ago and they used Twisted Sister for the soundtrack of the highlights video, and I didn’t feel entirely comfortable with the mix, though I am missional enough to remind myself that the building is not the Church.

    I’m with you on the Meatloaf thing. We’re talking about some profound lyrics. Coup de Ville’s, Cracker Jacks, oil & city streets.

    If you’re looking for an Abba song to include, go with Fernando. I’ve never figured it out and one year when I was cleaning out the car before prom I listened to it repeatedly on an 8 Track. Actually, on our 8-track it was possible to listen to two songs at once.

  2. March 15, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    For the record, I would not be able to identify a Brittany song if you played it for me.

    I quit listening to music in 1985. Nor, do I know Metallica or David Gray.

  3. March 15, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    I am profoundly honored to know that as I serve our Father in Europe, you two are holding down the fort in the US.=]
    I’d throw the ‘It’s a small world’ song from the ride at Disney World in there. Isn’t Megadeath all dead?

  4. Brian D.
    March 16, 2009 at 10:04 am

    I can not believe that the “Macarena” did not make the list. That song is pure tortue. Have to keep the “clean up” song, tortue yes, but ohh the way the kids can clean when that song is played.

  5. March 16, 2009 at 10:24 am

    This clearly is not a serious list. How can there not be any country, folk or polka music on this list? I was a producer for a 2 hour Polka Radio Show for over a year. Talk about torture!!

    Metallica’s “Sandman”?!? This has to be on the top ten lists of songs that you immediately crank up as soon as you hear that guitar line.

    10) Any Polka Music
    9) Coal Miners Daughter
    8) She Bangs (Ricky Martinez or William Haung, same difference)
    7) Lost in Love – Air Supply
    6) Hello (Dancing on the Ceiling, could also be included)
    5) Cedarmont Kids (This has been used as a successful coercive technique at our house)
    4) Stacie Ruth and Carrie Beth
    3) Fantasia from AI
    2) We are the World – Say what you want, but this song is annoying.
    1) Anything sung by Barney

  6. Brian McLaughlin
    March 16, 2009 at 10:40 am

    Todd, we forgot one: the UM fight song. That must top the list.

    Jeff, good call on Air Supply. That is truly torture. However, I must disagree with you on We Are the World. Maybe the song isn’t great, but it is a ton of fun trying to figure out who is singing! Add Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas Time…” and I’ll actually enjoy torture.

  7. March 16, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    Come on, Michigan’s fight song is consistently rated a Top 10 college fight song.

    Your bias is showing, you might want to tuck it in.

  8. Brian D.
    March 16, 2009 at 12:33 pm

    That could be true Jeff, however the post is what song creates the most torture. After listening to the OSU song after every point they scored against UM this year and recent years. That OSU song should rate high on the torture list.

    and Polka?? What in the word is wrong with a good polka?

    Need to go to the wedding reception grab bag and throw out the “Hokey Pokey” and “Chicken Dance”

  9. March 16, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    Thanks to Chris Brauns for sending me over to get in on the venting.

    I HAVE to weigh in with my “classic rock” beat down songs. These whip me like you’ve never known, perhaps from overplay in the Dallas area.

    1. The Boys Are Back in Town, Thin Lizzy
    2. I Heard It through the Grapevine, Creedence Clearwater Revival
    3. Old Time Rock & Roll, Bob Seger

    Amen on the unwarranted disrespect shown to Metallica, Twisted Sister, Neil Diamond, and Meatloaf. What tomfoolery to include those.

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