Christian Teenagers and Sex

It is not at all uncommon to speak of “teenagers” and “sex” in the same sentence.  Let’s be honest: it’s on their minds and it is on the minds of everyone who parents a teenager!  Well, if your teen is an evangelical Christian you will be happy to know that the great majority of evangelical teens believing in abstaining from sex until marriage.  This is good news, but it is where the good news ends…

HT: Musings of a PK

Rod Dreher has provided a nice summary of a very important book, Mark Regnerus’s Forbidden Fruit: Sex and Religion in the Lives of American Teenagers.  This book has been on my radar for awhile, but I have not yet read it.  I imagine I will very soon.  So what does it say?

1. First, it says that our evangelical teenagers understand the biblical teaching that sex is to take place within the marriage relationship: 74% of evangelical teens believe in abstaining from sex until marriage.  This is the highest amongst the demographics measured in this study.
2. Second, it says that our evangelical teenagers are the least likely demographic to anticipate that sex will be pleasurable.
3. Third, it says that our evangelical teenagers are more sexually active than other demographics.
4. Fourth, to add insult to injury, our evangelical teenagers are having sex earlier than other demographics.

So what is going on here (other than a lot of teenage sex)?  Let me quote Dreher’s summary of this research:

Religious belief apparently does make a potent difference in behavior for one group of evangelical teen-agers: those who score highest on measures of religiosity–such as how often they go to church, or how often they pray at home. But many Americans who identify themselves as evangelicals, and who hold socially conservative beliefs, aren’t deeply observant.

Even more important than religious conviction, Regnerus argues, is how “embedded” a teen-ager is in a network of friends, family, and institutions that reinforce his or her goal of delaying sex, and that offer a plausible alternative to America’s sexed-up consumer culture. A church, of course, isn’t the only way to provide a cohesive sense of community. Close-knit families make a difference. Teen-agers who live with both biological parents are more likely to be virgins than those who do not. And adolescents who say that their families understand them, pay attention to their concerns, and have fun with them are more likely to delay intercourse, regardless of religiosity.

The big one that sticks out is the role of parents.  Parents, you are the primary influence in your child’s life.  You will have the greatest impact, positively or negatively, on your child’s relationship with God and their sexuality.  So there is a great challenge to parents here: are you walking the walk?  Are you practicing what you preach?  Is your relationship with Christ growing, vibrant, and impacting every aspect of your life?  If not, don’t be surprised when your teenager is the same.

Although parents are primary, the church certainly plays a role.  It seems that evangelical churches are doing a good job of communicating the message that sex should wait until marriage.  However, how is it that our teens have a negative view of sex?  It isn’t pleasurable?  C’mon!!  I think some churches are afraid to speak truth that sex is pleasurable for fear that it will cause teens to seek sex more.  Listen: teens seek sex no matter what we say.  We might as well be honest with them: sex is great and they should anticipate a wonderful sexual relationship in the future with their spouse!

There is a lot more I could say about teaching sex to students…maybe a future post.  But this should be a wake-up call to parents and churches who minister to teenagers.  We have a lot of mentoring to do.