Parenting Teenagers, Part 8

My recent posts on parenting have attempted to make the point that building a nurturing/loving relationship with your teenager is critical to helping them become a biblically wise adult. Today I want to provide some specifics on how to build a nurturing relationship.

Here are seven practical steps toward nurturing your teen:

1. Show your teen unconditional love. Love your teenager unconditionally…they are gifts from God. Shower them with verbal affirmation and appropriate physical touch. Let them know that you love them no matter what (and this means communicating this love in the midst of discipline!).
2. Have scheduled and focused time with your teen. Families (both parents and teens) have become so busy that they rarely have quality time together anymore. How can we teach and model Christ (Deut. 6:4-9) for our children if we never see them? Let me mention again the research in Chap Clark’s Hurt: the epidemic of busy-ness in our lives has the same impact on our children as outright neglect. Parents: cut out some of you activities and work hours. Teens: cut out some of your activities. Spend time together!
3. Have fun together. This is related to #2. Spend time together so that you can create shared memories.
4. Maintain open, regular, and biblical communication. James 1:9 becomes extremely important for parenting: be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. We as parents need to do a better job listening and having dialogues with our children, not just giving them monologues.
5. Learn about teen growth and development to help you understand their world better. Being a teenager can be difficult, confusing, and leads to a lot of the behavioral issues teens face. Although I do not believe adolescence is an excuse for sin, I do believe that understanding teen issues helps us minister to our children better when they do sin. In fact, it helps us to be more understanding and patient. Here is an analogy I like: when a woman is in labor, yelling, hitting and whatever else may go on is still sin. However, a wise husband will be very patient and understanding with his wife. Sin is still sin, but our response changes when we understand what is going on that may be causing the sin.
6. Set and maintain clear and consistent expectations. Yes, discipline and boundaries are an aspect of love.
7. Pray, worship, and read God’s Word together. Enough said.