The Goal of Parenting

Disappointed but not Surprised

Two Miss Teen USA candidates made internet fame this month on YouTube when they were asked the final question. One of the finalists was ridiculed for her nervous bumbling as she answered the big question. It didn’t make any sense at all. I felt bad for her, but her answer was not the one that disappointed me. The other contestant was asked about the biggest risk she had ever taken in life.

Her answer to the biggest risk in life question?

Not working in New Orleans after hurricane Katrina. Not traveling to Jamaica on a missions trip. Not standing up for truth and telling her friend it is wrong to have an abortion.

But , snowboarding in Canada.

I think that her answer reveals more than we realize. I think it says a lot about parenting in general in the USA. Snowboarding in Canada as greatest risk shouts loudly that a primary goal of parenting is that we want our children to be comfortable, happy, and successful.

I believe that it is generally true that if our kids are self absorbed pleasure hungry young adults at the end of the parenting years, then the parents are to blame. Not to say that every kid that has been rebellious or wandering from the truth is the parents fault, but we generally get what we produce.

There are many other factors to how our kids turn out, but for the most part – it comes down to what dad and mom are doing in the home and how we are leading our children. I’m not here to wag my finger at the parents of rebellious children, but I am here to call us to think about the end goal, and what we are doing or not doing as parents. Let’s face it: our kids are products of our parenting – good or bad.

Many parents have the wrong goal and don’t know it.

I think that the average parent would agree with these key words as indicators of successful parenting:

Talented: athletic, smart & musical

Upwardly Mobile: My children should make more, have more, and be more than I am

Good Looking: implants, cool shoes, straight teeth, skinny, Abercrombie (I wore Toughskins)

Comfortable: arrival = ease of life

Independent: self sufficient, I can do everything myself

Self Confident: stand on my own two feet – I did it my way

The actions of most North American Parents support that this is the goal. I am not saying that sports, and braces, good grades, going to a good college, or finding a nice job are wrong. But what I am saying is that the target of many of these things when combined leave us with young adults who end up striving after happy, independent, upwardly mobile lives rooted in success, comfort, and self satisfaction.

I hope I can help you to change your goal. Children are entrusted to us by the Creator, and everything we do with them should be to direct them back to Him as God loving, Kingdom living, Jesus like individuals. The goal of parenting is to encourage our children to know God by creating an atmosphere that points to the Father, His character, and His redemptive ways.

• We should want our kids to be holy not happy
• We should want our kids to be God dependent not self dependent
• We should want our kids to be secure in God not secure in financial stability

At the end of The Day - God is not going to care about how talented your children have become, their GPA, how successful they were in business, how self confident you made them, how many touchdowns, goals, base hits, what chair they achieved in band, how nice they dressed, or great accomplishments. I don’t even think he will care about what college they made it into

But what He wants us to foster in our children:

• A listening ear to God and His Word
• A humble dependence on Him through Jesus
• Following hard after God
• And embracing what they were truly created for

The Goal of Parenting: Psalm 78

Much of this Psalm is a history of Israel’s rebellion, God’s judgment on that rebellion, and God’s grace and mercy. It’s a heartbreaking Psalm because it reminds us of our own rebelliousness, but it is full of joy because it points to God’s grace and mercy. It’s written as a reminder of where not to go, what not to do, how not to live. Asaph is warning them not to be stubborn like their forefathers – the previous generations.

But where we need to land is on verses 4-7 And the responsibility of parents to testify, teach, and tell about God to their children.

4 We will not hide them from their children;
we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,
his power, and the wonders he has done.

5 He decreed statutes for Jacob
and established the law in Israel,

which he commanded our forefathers
to teach their children, 6 so the next

generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children.

7 Then they would put their trust in God
and would not forget his deeds
but would keep his commands. (NIV)

Notice two things

The content of their message is the praise worthy deeds of the Lord, his power and the wonders he has done. Not only what He has done, but the truth He has revealed: The statues for Jacob and the law. God reveals Himself to us by His faithfulness to us and through the Scriptures and this is the content we must pass on to our children.

The goal in this testifying, teaching and telling in verse 7 is, “Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.”

God’s instruction for parents in the covenant community is to teach their children about God so that they would put their trust in God and keep His commands. Little babies are placed in our arms with the hopes that they would ultimately know God by putting their hope in Him through Jesus Christ and live an obedient life.